Every Country’s Most Embarrassing Tourist Habit

A country-by-country guide to how we embarrass ourselves abroad.

tour·ist. A person who travels for pleasure and, in doing so, accidentally reveals everything about where they’re from.

Every country has a national tourist personality. It emerges the moment a person crosses a border, removes their passport from a neck pouch, and begins speaking at the wrong volume.

It’s not malicious. It’s not even always noticeable to the person doing it.

It’s simply what happens when a cultural operating system runs in an incompatible environment.

Here is every country’s most embarrassing tourist habit. Alphabetically. Nobody is exempt.

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Argentina — Arrive everywhere one to two hours late and believe this is internationally charming rather than internationally confusing.

Australia — Introduce themselves by nationality within the first sentence, usually unprompted, often mid-queue.

Austria — Correct the pronunciation of city names. Every time. To people who live there.

Belgium — Insist at length that Belgian waffles are not what you think Belgian waffles are.

Brazil — Strike up intimate friendships with complete strangers on planes and then never contact them again.

Canada — Apologize for not speaking more French. Apologize for apologizing. Apologize again in French.

Chile — Explain at considerable length how Chile is actually nothing like Argentina.

China — Queue aggressively, then jump the queue for the jump-queue. Nobody fully understands this but everyone accommodates it.

Colombia — Offer food to strangers with a sincerity so genuine that refusing feels rude in any language.

Croatia — Tell everyone they’re Croatian, then explain exactly where Croatia is, then mention Dubrovnik, then mention Game of Thrones, then mention Dubrovnik again.

Czech Republic — Order beer immediately and correctly assess that local prices are better than home. Express this assessment loudly at every meal.

Denmark — Rate every experience as “fine.” The food was fine. The view was fine. The sunset was fine. They are not disappointed; this is the highest praise.

Egypt — Negotiate absolutely everything, including admission prices with fixed signage.

Finland — Go directly to the sauna, attempt to explain the sauna to anyone who will listen, and become mildly distressed when there isn’t one.

France — Begin every interaction in French, switch to perfect English the moment it’s clear you’re struggling, and never mention either language again.

Germany — Arrive early. Reclaim sun loungers. Pack systematically. Read the brochure completely before visiting the attraction.

Greece — Recommend their cousin’s restaurant to anyone within earshot, including other restaurant owners.

Hungary — Correct the paprika. In every country. At every meal. The paprika is always wrong.

Iceland — Identify waterfalls by name and express genuine surprise that others don’t know them.

India — Photograph everything. Every meal, every street, every slightly interesting drain cover, with a thoroughness that implies a documentary is in production.

Indonesia — Offer tea to everyone, including hotel staff, because refusing to offer tea is simply not a thing.

Ireland — Find a pub within twenty minutes of arrival and stay until they’re asked to leave or fall asleep.

Israel — Negotiate prices in a country with fixed prices and somehow reach an acceptable outcome.

Italy — Order espresso standing up at the counter, look withering at seated coffee drinkers, and judge the milk ratio from a significant distance.

Japan — Queue with such perfection that other tourists instinctively join the line before knowing what it’s for.

Jordan — Invite you to dinner. You will accept. It will be the best meal of your trip.

Kenya — Photograph wildlife and then immediately show the animal the photograph. The animals are, universally, unimpressed.

Mexico — Recommend tequila before 11am without any evident awareness of the time.

Morocco — Lead you somewhere helpful and then explain, after arrival, that a small fee was implied by the helpfulness.

Netherlands — Bring bicycles. Ride bicycles in places not designed for bicycles. Express surprise at being asked to stop.

New Zealand — Mention extreme sports they’ve done within three exchanges. Offer to lend you the equipment. They have brought the equipment.

Nigeria — Bring enough food for a family of twelve in carry-on luggage. Feed strangers on the train. Accept no refusal.

Norway — Bring rain gear to a sunny beach and have the last laugh.

Pakistan — Insist you must come home for dinner. You must come home for dinner. This is not a question.

Peru — Order ceviche in every country and find it lacks something. It lacks Peru.

Philippines — Bring a karaoke machine, metaphorically speaking. Become the party without trying.

Poland — Correct the history. Often correctly. With sources.

Portugal — Recommend Fado music with the low, specific melancholy of someone describing a long relationship.

Romania — Immediately clarify that they are not, in fact, from Transylvania, and that Transylvania is a real place and not the way you’re imagining it.

Russia — Toast to things. Everything is a toast. The trip is a toast. The meal is a toast. The sunset. The stranger at the next table. Toast.

Saudi Arabia — Offer hospitality that is so unconditional and so immediate that other tourists mistake it for professional obligation. It is not.

Scotland — Mention whisky. Ask about local whisky. Assess the whisky against Scottish whisky. Find the whisky interesting but not quite there.

South Africa — Bring biltong through customs and be genuinely surprised by the restrictions.

South Korea — Photograph food before eating with a technical precision suggesting professional review. Eat the food enthusiastically regardless of the photo.

Spain — Arrive at restaurants at 7pm, find them empty, and take a table anyway with the air of someone who has won something.

Sweden — Apologize in advance for being Swedish, which they’ve been told is no longer necessary, which makes them apologize again.

Switzerland — Ask whether something is included in the price before committing to any form of it, including scenery.

Taiwan — Navigate by landmark and food. The directions will be accurate. The food will be the highlight.

Thailand — Smile at everything and everyone. This is not performance. It costs nothing and it changes rooms.

Turkey — Offer çay (tea) before any business is discussed. Refuse to discuss business before the çay is finished. This is not slow; this is correct.

United Kingdom — Queue for things that don’t require queuing, apologize for queuing, and then quietly judge everyone who doesn’t queue.

United States — Talk at arrival volume in spaces calibrated for arrival volume and a half. Leave extraordinarily large tips and announce them with visible discomfort at not being thanked sooner.

Vietnam — Bargain for everything with the cheerful confidence of someone who knows this is theater and is committed to giving an excellent performance.

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Somewhere between the sunburned shoulder and the camera strap, between the wrong order and the apologetic smile, every tourist is doing the exact same thing: trying to understand a place by being embarrassingly themselves inside it.